How To Approach A Girl: What To Say To A Woman & Approaching Girls The Right Way
Published: 18th August, 2021
Last Updated: 6th September, 2022
No matter the time or place, when a beautiful woman catches your eye, it’s time to put on your big-boy trousers and make a move. You might be thinking “It sure sounds simple”, and you’d be right, approaching a girl is not as easy as it used to be.
Along with the changes in gender roles that came with the passage of time, women have not only become autonomous, but far more likely to unapologetically reject you straight to your face. So, the new age begs for a larger amount of effort from the male half of the population, not to mention higher risk of rejection and everything in between.
Nonetheless, while women are not a majority anymore, the choices for a female partner are as limitless as ever today. Signing up to one of the latest, trending, dating sites or apps should be enough to show you why as well.
Being spoilt for choice though, doesn’t mean the success probabilities are necessarily higher. In fact, since womenget approached far more often than ever before, the competition itself makes your potential approach much less likely to bear fruit.
So, is there a way to guarantee your wooing attempts will not only be noticed, but also reciprocated?
How To Approach A Girl Online
Well, the short answer to that question would be “no”, since no two women will respond the same way to being pursued by a man. However, depending on the setting of the scene, there are a few things you can do to tip the scale to your end, if even by just a little bit.
Nowadays, there’s no better way to find newly single people than through online dating. Meeting girls in real life is always a gamble. She could be single but she could also have a boyfriend. However, when dating online, there’s only one reason a girl would have her own dating profile.
Dating sites and dating apps are not the only way to meet girls online though. Social media platforms present the same single-taken gamble sometimes, but they do give you insight on certain aspects of the girl’slife through her own dedicated profile page. Information you could be using to your advantage when you approach a woman you like.
Of course, there are many ways you can start a conversation with a girl online, but you should probably mind the platform you are on. Take advantage of all the opportunities presented to you for a higher chance of success. And if you aren’t quite sure how to do so, here are our experttips on how to approach a girl on Instagram, Tinder and any other online chatting forum.
Let’s take a trip back in time, before the social media boom of the early 2000s took place. Did you know that Facebook was originally created to be a dating site? That’s right, before Facebook Dating was a thing, the platform was known as “FaceMash” and it was designed for the sole purpose of ranking girls based on attractiveness.
Looking back on the earliest dating sites of our time, it’s not hard to see the inspiration they took from social networking platforms. Nowadays, chatting someone up on Facebook or Instagram is very similar to having a talk with them on a dating app or site.
Instagram has had a steady increase in popularity over the years, and today it’s one of the top social media platforms used for meeting singles all over the world. It’s not as easy as it sounds to be successful in your search though, so here’s a few tips to keep in mind before you make your approach.
First things first, a simple “Hey” is not gonna cut it when messaging a pretty girl on Instagram. Don’t ask for her number from the get-go either, instead interact with a low-traction post of hers first, the less comments a picture has, the more chances you have of grabbing her attention.
Since you can’t depend on body language online, getting her to visit your Instagram profile is as good a sign as any. It shows she is now familiar with you and, as a result, less likely to dismiss your DMs. If she drops a “like” or comments on one of your pictures, then you know it’s time to make your move!
Thanks to the marketing efforts of dating sites and apps like Bumble, Tinder and Hinge, online dating has grown quite the reputation over the last few decades. Tinder being by far the most popular out of all of them at this point in time, even bringing out TV series such as “The Tinder Swindler” dedicated to the kinds of experiences a woman can have on such dating platforms.
It’s no secret that talking to random strangers online comes with its own set of dangers, and for women, these go much further than simply getting catfished or scammed for money. Some dating sites today might as well be third-party advertisement hubs, who aim to gather and sell your personal information. A dating site which collects visitor data has all the means and resources to use information pertaining to your identity however they see fit. Identity theft is more common in women as far as online dating goes, so take every possible step to convey trustworthiness in your approach.
As a universal tip for all dating sites and apps, remember that your online dating profile is there for a reason. You wouldn’t start a conversation with a girl who doesn’t even have a profile picture, the same applies for girls as well. Remember that Tinder is no place to be shy, even if you are a confident friendly guy there’s no guarantee your first message will get a response.
And speaking about the first message, a good rule of thumb is to start by asking a question. It's one of the best ways to initiate conversation. Compliments and flattery are always nice, but they are the most common messages women receive online, so going against the grain might prove to be far more rewarding for you.
Try not to send the same message to every single girl, instead go through their profiles and latch onto something you find you have in common with them. That will also help you be more engaged in the conversation which, in turn, will come across to the woman you are chatting up.
Online Dating Forums
The internet is filled with themed forums and chat rooms available to the public where people from all types of backgrounds gather together to discuss a common interest. If you didn’t know, there are forums dedicated to helping singles find a date, and it’s a great place to start your search.
On the other hand, you might have taken a liking to a specific TV series or video game. Well, these forums can help you find girls online who have the same or similar interests as you. As far as online forums go, this is the best way to approach a woman without coming across as creepy.
Here’s a tip though, don’t ignore the rest of the participants just because a girl has captured your attention. Making the conversation a more “social” interaction rather than one-on-one can make her feel like you are part of their community and far more likely to open up to and engage with.
If you happen to catch her alone in one of those themed chat rooms, take the opportunity to find out more about her. People often look for someone who can relate to their interests and experiences, so you can always start the conversation with a simple question about what her favourite things are about your shared interest.
You will quickly notice that most girls you meet on online chat rooms would rather keep the conversation online rather than face to face. In this case, a great tip would be to arrange a community meetup with the rest of the forum’s participants. That way, you give her the opportunity to interact with you and her community in a more public setting without making her feel like she is being pursued by you.
What To Say When Approaching A Woman In Public
On the other hand, a worldwide pandemic is about to end and many single girls and guys are more than ready to get back into the dating game. We’ve all useddating apps and sites in order to meet new people during the lockdowns, but their time has come and passed. It’s time to venture out of our hermit shells.
However, much like how you can’t approach women the same way on Instagram, Tinder and online forums, you can’t use the same pick up lines and openers in real life without considering the time and place. Being able to pick up on social cues as well as setting the mood with good timing will make you stand out from the crowd.
There’s also obvious things, likemaking eye contact before you approach a girl and reading her body language. Most importantly though, women find it attractive when the men who approach them are confident. Makesure that you’re not coming across as arrogant or egotistical, though.
When you walk up to her, remember to introduce yourself first and foremost, being able to put a name to a face gives you necessary familiarity points for your first interaction. Don’t be hesitant to ask if she has a boyfriend, not only does it state your intentions from the start, but it can save you unnecessary awkwardness in the long run.
After confirming the girl you’re approaching is single, it’s time to use your wit and charm to set the mood and ease into a fun and engaging conversation for both of you. Of course, there’s a time and a place for every conversation topic, so here’s a few things to keep in mind when you talk to a woman who’s in the club, sitting by the bar or at the gym.
How To Approach A Girl In The Club
Let’s be real here, there’s no place quite like a club when it comes to finding drunk beautiful women. As you can probably guess, men who approach girls in the club are often perceived as looking for a fun night rather than a serious relationship. Depending on what you want to get out of your exchange, this might work out in your favour, but remember that not every girl will be open to that.
Regardless of your intentions, one thing is imperative when it comes to talking to women at the club: always be a gentleman. No, we don’t mean open the door for her or offer your seat (although, it might get you some brownie points thanks to the torment that are high heels). Remember, do nottalk about sex with her from the get-go, even if you are only looking for something more temporary.
Start the conversation by chatting her up a bit. Unlike online dating, flattery is a good start to your approach, just don’t go with a basic “you’re pretty”, mix it up and makesure you are making her laugh. That way she will associate you with fun and positive emotions which will increase your chances with her. After all, womenwant a man with humour.
Opening lines to spark conversation with a woman in the club:
- I saw you dancing from across the floor, and I’d love to get some lessons.
- I'd buy you a drink but you’d think I’m trying to get you drunk.
- I was just about to step out for a smoke, want to keep me company?
- I knew you had great taste the moment I saw you holding the strongbow.
- Are you here with someone? Because I’d love to be that someone.
How To Approach A Girl In A Bar
If you’re looking for the best way to meet someone without online dating, then any dating coach will tell you that bars, and especially lounge bars, will be your best friend. A nice, comfortable atmosphere, without the loud music and drunk distractions of the club creates space for a more intimate conversation. This however, also means that finding a person for casual fun won’t be as easy.
Minding your manners comes into play a lot as well. Be a gentleman and you will be treated as such. Makesure that you have an idea on what you want to talk about before you walk up to her, and remember to greet her social circle if she is not there alone. These are some of the most basic advice one can give you about picking up girls at the bar, but there is one you should always keep in mind when making your approach: Her outfit.
When visiting places where a dress code might be specific, women usually spend a lot of time deciding on which article of clothing will be ideal for the night. They tend to spend a lot of time thinking about their style and how it comes across to others, especially other women. As far as bar attire goes, they all want to be the girl girls notice when she walks in, so giving your review of her outfit could hit a sore spot. Make it a rule of thumb, and avoid commenting on a woman’s outfit at a bar (unless you’re flattering her about it).
Examples on what to say when approachinggirls in a bar:
- Hey, I know it’s cliché, but can I buy you a drink?
- You don’t find many pretty girls like you sitting alone at the bar. Can I join you?
- You look like the most interesting person here. Fancy a chat?
- I noticed you checking your phone, could it be because you’re missing my number?
- I’m sober and looking to spice things up… What do you say?
How To Approach A Girl In The Gym
You’d be surprised how many people flirt at the gym, or rather, how many peopletry to flirt at the gym. If you happen to be a person who appreciates an active lifestyle in other people as well as yourself, then the gym is one of the best places to find a woman who loves looking good and feeling good. They do say “Couples who workout together, stay together” so you know getting into a relationship with a potential gym buddy is a commitment (in more ways than one)!
If there’s one thing every woman has heard at the gym is the typical “You know that exercise you’re doing? You’re actually doing it wrong.” which is almost exclusively coming from men who attempt to flirt with them. Let us tell you, pointing out what you think they should be doing on their workout is not a good look and an even worse first impression. Most women who maintain a healthy lifestyle have done their research down to their protein and calorie intake, so try to resist the urge to “correct” their form.
Instead, you can always work on praising their workout routine, although complimenting their body can have varying results, so proceed with caution. Allow for some eye contact here and there but avoid staring, especially when she’s doing her squats. If she likes what you’re six-packing, she is likely to reciprocate eye contact and you can move on from there.
How to approach her when she is working out:
- Someone told me you make a mean protein shake. What’s inside?
- Hey, are you new in the area? I've seen you around the treadmill a lot lately.
- I know a place that makes the best post-workout meals, care to join me for a bite?
- Your triceps look great, what kind of exercises do you do?
- You’re pretty good at this, can you show me how it’s done? I’ve been struggling…
Dating Tips From Huffpost
You might be thinking, “Who’d take dating advice from Huffpost?”, and while your scepticism is no surprise to us, we found that plenty of their featuredarticles often dig deeper than any other source online. In fact, we found that most of the time, the information in the top results are twisted in a way that benefits a type of business. It’s often displayed as a present relevant advertisement, which says a lot about the content quality and legitimacy.
To counter that, news media outlets like Huffpost limit their ads on the site and provide information which is not only a great read, but also researched and proven. And since the information is legitimate, some of their older articles can help you level up your game even by today’s standards.
What does this have to do with making your approach? Well, if you want to find out how to win the war, you must know thy enemy! Getting some much needed insight into the mind of a girl can help you kickstart your way to a conversation, and a potential relationship.
So, what kind of card does Huffpost have up their sleeve? Reddit! Back in 2012, Reddit did not have the all-inclusive, open-minded community that it has today, especially for women. And yet, dating advice from women was still something men sought after on the platform. After going through about 3,500 comments, Huffpost created a breakdown on the women’s responses, and here they are.
Approaching Her During Vs After Work
A good example on how not every woman will have the same reaction to your approach was the workplace question. Womenget approached in their workplaces quite a bit, especially if they are new and no one knows a lot about their personal life. New male recruits are also guilty of taking their chances when flirting in the workplace.
So, what was said about the matter? Some women found it flattering while others expressed that the setting itself makes it inappropriate. They even went as far as to say that even a person who they’d otherwise be attracted to would only make the situation uncomfortable.
The way we see it, if it can wait until after work hours, then talk to her after work hours. On the other hand, if you’re pressed for time, you can approach her, but avoid making conversation when she is busy. Instead, keep your interaction short and sweet, tell her you’d like to talk more sometime and get to know each other better. Depending on how often you visit her workplace, you can also leave her your number.
As mentioned above however, even if you keep your interaction short, your efforts won’t always bear fruit, which brings us to the second point.
Be Confident, Not Conceited
For women, confidence is imperative when you make your approach, but be careful not to come across as cocky or self-involved. Yes, men who know what they want are attractive, but those “can’t take no for an answer” types of guys are intimidating, and not in a good way.
Something we found interesting? There was a general consensus that as long as you hold yourself in a confident manner around the woman you are trying to talk to, it does not matter what you say. So, you might be coming up to her with the cheesiest, corniest pickup line in the book, if you deliver it with confidence, that’s half the battle won!
Make eye contact with the girl before you walk up to her though and try to read the mood. If she keeps avoiding your gaze, that’s your cue to make an exit. If you’re confident in your conversation skills, you can risk beginning to talk to her, but know that you might just end up coming across as creepy.
Men who ignore a girl’s feelings are often the “scary” of the bunch. When a girl is being pursued by a man she has already rejected, she begins to feel pushed into a corner, in more ways than one.
Don’t Block Her Exit
When a man makes his approach, there is a fine line between being smooth and being creepy. There was a great amount of women who expressed men’s lack of understanding as far as boundaries go. Something most of them brought up was breathing space and exit potential.
When a girl is approached in a way that allows the man to monopolise her while she has no exit route can give her a fright. The idea of being cornered by a bigger person is intimidating enough on its own, but when that person is a man, things like sexual harassment often make their way in their heads.
So, before you make a b-line to talk to the girl sitting alone at the bar - instead of planning what you’re going to say to kickstart the conversation - look back and make sure you’re not blocking her only exit.
Get Her To Approach You
On the other hand, you can work around making her feel comfortable by allowing her to approach you on her own terms. Of course, not every girl will be able to pluck up the courage and walk up to a man she is attracted to. So, you have to get her to want to talk to you so badly that she makes the first move.
It might sound like an impossible task, and depending on the girl, you might never manage to get her to approach you. However, there are women out there who like to initiate the conversation, so trust us the chances are higher than you think.
You might have the looks, style and the confidence to back it all up, but when you expect the girl to make the first move, you have to give her some indicators. The art of distance-flirting is not that easy, you should know, so make sure you are delivering all the “yes” signs her way at the right time.
Make Eye Contact
First things first, eye contact! When the traditional gender roles are reversed, a woman is more likely to think you have a lazy eye rather than flirting with her. So, make sure that once your eyes meet, you let your gaze linger onto hers.
However, avoid staring intensely or intently at her, that will most likely creep her out rather than make her want to approach you. Eye contact is supposed to be cheeky and fun, a sort of cat-and-mouse game with just your eyes, so make sure you let your eyes talk before any other body part.
Take a minute to show her what your eyes have to say and the conversation is bound to flow easier from there.
Match Her Body Language
No, we don’t mean to have a humoristic game of “mirror” with her body’s every move. Much like how you allowed your eyes to do the talking, convey with your body what you’d like to say.
Facing her body directly with yours can give her the impression that your attention is directed at her. Matching the rhythm with which her body is moving is also a good way to go about it. In a relaxed environment, you don’t want to come across as the overexcitable type after all. When her eyes are on you, make sure to nod your head or take a sip of your drink to show you have noticed her and that you blend well with the environment around you.
This brings us to our final point…
Women Like A Social Man
We’ve all got our own anti-social tendencies, but when you’re trying to get a woman to approach you, it’s the worst time to turn your back and fiddle with your phone. In a public setting, you are most likely accompanying or being accompanied by at least one other person, so acknowledge their existence, engage in conversation with them, even if there’s a pretty girl just across the street.
The moment you turn your attention elsewhere after you’ve exchanged looks she will begin feeling like she is losing you. So, if she doesn’t make her move now, she’s unlikely to ever do. In this case you have two choices, you approach her yourself or you turn your attention elsewhere altogether.
Remember, moving on unconcerned shows confidence. If she won’t say or do anything to initiate conversation with you, you just have to find a girl who will.
Approaching a woman today is a whole different ball game than it was ten years ago. Along with changes in traditional gender roles, women have also become more autonomous and independent. So, as far as starting up a conversation with them goes, the bar has gone way up.
Online dating has changed the scene forever as well. Sometimes, all you have to do is enable your notifications, ignore an ad or two, and say whatever comes to mind to get her smitten. Although, depending on which platform you are using to contact girls, remember that your approach should be different.
As far as real life dating goes, things haven’t changed much. You could say that recent lockdowns have put a damper to your love life, but all they’ve really done is delay the process. If you knew exactly what to say before the pandemic hit to charm the ladies, you know exactly what to say now.
Finally, if you are new to the scene, now you have some insight on what women think about when they are approached by men. You also know how to coax a woman into making the first move, so go out there and test things out. Some will work and some won’t, but their results will definitely be helpful to you.