Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Men? Can Guys Find A Date On Dating Apps?
Published: 26th August, 2021
Last Updated: 15th July, 2022
Nowadays there’s very few people who can say that online dating is ‘hard’. Although there are certain aspects of this cyber dating online system that can get a bit tricky for both men and women alike.
Everyone has their own online dating horror story. Usually featuring a very difficult and extremely time consuming process of emotional involvement and effort, only to be left on ‘read’. In hindsight, finding a date online is not that easy, let alone establishing a relationship or even finding love.
So, if everyone struggles in their online dating journey, why is there a general consensus that men have a harder time dating online than women?
Well, it is quite hard to cover every base of the subject without turning it into a ‘battle of the sexes’. Nonetheless, we surveyed users from an array of different dating apps and sites, and through our research we managed to get a sneak peek into men’s online dating experiences.
Table Of Contents
- Online Dating For Men
- What Dating Is Like For Women Online
- Dating Apps Have Made Getting A Date Hard For People
- How Guys Can Make Online Dating Work
- In Conclusion…
Online Dating For Men
Along with the social media boom that came with the early 2000s, more and more people began to share bits of their lives online. Suddenly, a post featuring your dog could get you hundreds or even thousands of internet “likes” in the span of a couple of days. Gradually, your online presence became worth more than anyone could really imagine.
This is where the online dating world also started to surface. Much like you’d be able to set up your own social media profile on Facebook or Instagram, dating apps and sites like Tinder or Bumble did exactly the same. Platforms especially designed for the creation of your very own dating profiles. Nowadays, there’s no better way to let the world know you are single and ready to mingle!
Nonetheless, finding a date partner through these new dating apps was not as different for the male crowd as one would expect. In fact, things soon took an unexpected “difficulty” turn, and here’s why.
Guys Outnumber Women
Did you know that the male-female populus today is actually close to equal? The general surplus of women which was true many years ago, after the end of the second World War is no longer true.
In the online dating world, male users outnumber the females by 10 percent which, in hindsight, does not sound like that big of a difference. However, the reality is that a pretty looking woman can receive up to 150-200 messages daily (depending on the dating apps / sites she is using).
Imagine trying to stand out in a sea of messages from various dating profiles - the majority of which remain unread. One of the main reasons why finding a date online is considered so much harder for men today is that their attempts at attracting the opposite sex are almost always unsuccessful or ignored.
Unfortunately, this is what happens when the demand is higher than the supply.
Men Get Rejected More Often
Along with having to deal with their wooing attempts hardly ever bearing fruit, what makes online dating really hard for men is the responses they get.
The notion that men have to deal with rejection way more than women is correct, in fact, men online get dismissed approximately 80% of the time. Although, it should be mentioned that men approach a lot more women as opposed to women approaching men. This also comes hand in hand with the fact that men are still expected to make the first move, and since women get so many messages daily, they hardly ever bother to approach a man first.
Disregarding the first message though, it’s not hard to see how the dating profile of a man might even work counter-productively sometimes. There are many cases where a bad dating profile might become your catalyst when online dating.
When women are presented with so many different profiles at once, comparing and cherry picking between the best of them is only to be expected. In this case, you have a shot if your profile passes the initial, more shallow level of choosing. However, you might end up getting rejected after some time because of someone who they deem to be better relationship material than you.
Matching Takes A Really Long Time For A Man
So, let’s say you managed to find a dating site where guys don’t outnumber women by that much. One which has many success stories and date guarantees in every review you can find online. After going through the obligatory registration process and profile completion, it is time to find your first match.
Guys are known for taking a much longer time online dating than women, and this is usually a result of the matching algorithms of every dating platform today. You might be interested in dating older women specifically but end up only getting matched with people of the same or even younger age than you.
While this can be considered a struggle both genders face, because of the sheer amount of attention women receive by guys online, it’s easy to see how the difficulty scale tips further towards men.
Things in the most recent years have gotten a little better though. Thanks to dating apps like Tinder with its swipe-matching feature, and Bumble with its “women make the first move” condition, matching with someone compatible has become slightly easier for guys, but by no means less time consuming.
Guys are made to wait for so long at times that they begin to get impatient. As a result, their willingness to dedicate time and effort into their potential matches takes a hit as well, which in turn only brings in less and less success.
What Dating Is Like For Women Online
It’s no secret that women receive a lot of traction online in comparison to men. When a pretty girl creates a post on social media, she is instantly bombarded with a large amount of different internet impressions and comments, often alluding to her outer appearance.
When considering the similarities dating apps have with today’s social media platforms, it’s hard not to see how women are treated in both. The main culprit is oftentimes the photos that go along with each post or profile creation too.
At the end of the day, girls are still considered to be the “fairer sex”, and in the online dating world, they get objectified a lot. Dating apps like Tinder which focus on the initial, shallow attraction one can have to another, or dating sites with similar matching features have definitely played a part in that.
The majority of the male population often argues that “any dating attention is success”, but how much truth is there to that statement?
It’s Hard Being A Minority
As mentioned above, a pretty girl can receive on average 200 messages on the daily, each from different senders. That definitely gives them a lot of options to go through, but finding time to give everyone a fair shot is a whole different battle.
Women looking for a more long-term, serious relationship online oftentimes decide to leave their online dating days behind because of the sheer amount of sexual attention they get. There’s only so many distasteful messages and unsolicited photos one can go through before giving up on their search.
Along with that, the female online dating population seems to have a general consensus that the “reward” of giving some guys a shot is not worth their time. As a result, women often dismiss the majority of messages they receive and go with either the latest in their inbox or whichever stands out the most.
But let’s say you are a woman looking for a more casual meetup, the people messaging you who are willing to actually meet with you in real life are hard to come across sometimes. A lot of them have reported a large portion of their daily messages being plain gibberish, from completely illegible texts to downright ravings.
Attention Isn’t Always Welcome
Women are the recipients of a lot of criticism online. They, of course, get a lot of compliments and flattery, but it doesn’t stop there. There’s always two sides to every story and for women quantity does not always amount to quality. Sometimes all it takes is a dating app message to go from being praised to being harshly criticised.
This is commonly a byproduct of men’s frustration due to constantly getting rejected and, in hindsight, rejection definitely makes dating online harder for guys than girls. However, it doesn’t change the fact that what follows is sometimes unprovoked negativity in an attempt to save face. Getting rejected doesn’t justify being rude or mean to another person, even if you are potentially miles and miles away from each other.
It turns out there is a very thin line between infatuation and temper. Women who get judged by their peers online have so much more to deal with than just a negative comment. A spike in body dysmorphia has been reported over the course of the last few years, something which seems to be directly linked to social media use and internet exposure, including dating apps and sites.
So, no, attention doesn’t necessarily equal to dating success. This becomes more apparent when considering the fact that women have to take the time to filter out the ones they think are actually genuine from the potentially toxic ones.
“Picky” Means Careful
An argument you hear a lot coming from men is that women have all the power from a relationship standpoint. At the end of the day, they are the ones that decide whether the males’ approach is enticing or not.
Men, on the other hand, are often described as being ‘pushy’ with quite a fast-moving relationship pace. So, women are less likely to stick around for too long if the person they are talking to doesn’t seem to want to respect their wishes and boundaries.
Not all women want to find and meet up with someone straight away. With cyber stalking being on the rise in the last decade as well, you can’t really blame them for wanting to know who they are chatting with before they meetup. Let’s be real here, even men worry about getting scammed and catfished online, so why should it be any different for women?
Due to the amount of time women sometimes need to get comfortable with someone they are chatting with, the patience of men also slowly begins to wear thin. This results in a situation where men become impatient and women become less and less trusting. Subsequently, women find being more careful about who they choose to chat with, and eventually date, can keep them away from guys with less than kind intentions.
Dating Apps Have Made Getting A Date Hard For People
You’d think that being able to have a virtually unlimited number of compatible profiles at the tips of your fingers would get you a date in no time at all. Especially since you can access them whenever and wherever you go. However, reality is not so peachy.
People who depend on online dating to find their next romantic partner today have had a change in their approach. The dating platforms of our age usually come with their own sets of features which are especially designed to help you put the least amount of effort possible when searching, approaching and communicating with others.
There’s no denying that times have changed rapidly for the singles of the world too. People prefer having options when deciding on the dating profiles they want to invest their time on, and modern digital dating has given them just that.
Funnily enough, this has also caused the majority of online dating users to turn indecisive and, as a result, unable to find a date online, and this is just one of the many reasons. Thankfully, in our research we managed to break down the most prominent ones of them; misrepresentation, sexualization and shallowness.
So, let’s say you have a preference for trans guys and are looking for a dating site which can help you get your first match. Of course, there’s the obvious and more mainstream platforms you can use (think Tinder) but you know your preferred gender will be a minority in those. What you really want is an online dating platform specifically geared towards the people you are looking for.
There are a tonne of apps site reviews out there today, aiming to help you find the dating platform that will give you exactly what you want. However, all it does is make the decision even harder sometimes.
As the online advertisement story continues, you are also misled even by the reviews you depend on to make your decision. Let’s say you want a low-cost online dating site or app that can still get you a date. But today, “free” can mean both “free to use” and “free to sign up to”. So, you commit to a dating site thinking you won’t have to spend a penny but end up having to do so either way after you try to send your first message. This is only the first of many such examples too.
People often forget that the online dating industry is a multi billion dollar one. Nowadays, there’s nothing that comes for “free” and the individuals behind every dating app like Tinder are masters at commercialization.
If there’s one thing everyone knows is that the internet is quite an open minded place. Whatever it is you might be into, you’ll be able to find it because frankly, if it exists, it sells. Online dating didn’t miss that report and soon began making good use of it too.
Let’s be real here, the intentions of people looking for cougar dating sites today are anything but pure. The majority of them are mostly browsing for profiles whose online dating photos match their preferences, and nudity is almost expected in at least one of those photos every time.
Of course, apps like Tinder do not allow any type of nudity outside private chats. However, if you have signed up to a more adult dating site already, then you are bound to see an ad or receive an email featuring these types of photos or videos.
Along with the demand for more visually appealing content on dating profiles today, the need to outclass the competition in terms of outer appearance reached a new high too. If you do not wish to share photos of yourself on your dating profile, you are practically shooting yourself in the foot before the battle even begins.
Some dating platforms’ selling points are that they are predominantly populated by attractive people, while some even refuse access to those they deem not attractive enough. This has led many singles out there to filter and edit their photos to make their outer appearance more appealing to their potential matches.
As a result, honesty has taken a hit and the online dating world has caused singles out there to become quite shallow. Imagine having to hold the candle to individuals with no imperfections. This might sound like it would be hard for guys, but it’s an absolute nightmare for girls online. It’s easy to lose every sense of self you have for the sake of securing a date.
How Guys Can Make Online Dating Work
So, when online dating looks like it’s more trouble than it’s worth, why are people still seeking to find their other half online? The short answer is that while you might not want to use dating apps and sites to meet other singles, nowadays you can’t really visit and review local dating spots because they simply do not have the same options and success probabilities.
Traditional dating has diminished because of many reasons, covid-19 being one of the most recent ones. In a world where things only point to online dating as a definitive way to make new relationships, there’s very few who would risk going off the grid.
As a result, the singles of the world have posed online dating questions to make their lives easier. However, the answers accessible to them are often generalised and not easily applied in practice. So, what can men do to make online dating work in their favour in this case?
Let’s say you have a hobby and want to find people who also enjoy spending their free time in the same way. You can register on many different dating sites and apps and filter out your options based on their interests, but at the end of the day a dating site specifically designed for your preferences will always be your best bet.
Of course, there will be some plain atrocious and shady sites out there, but once the good ones get filtered out from the bad ones, your chances at getting what you want will immediately improve as well. What we can recommend is to give the ones that catch your eye a shot and if you don’t have any luck, move to the next one.
“Trial and error” might be time consuming but its results will definitely be worth it at the end of the day. The best dating sites out there are usually diamonds in the rough as well, so don’t be quick to judge, the love of your life might be just around the corner.
If there’s one thing that’s good to be picked up from our previous points is that your online dating presence is largely dependent on your profile. And let’s be real here, no one would start chatting with a completely empty dating profile, just how you wouldn’t approach anyone who could be a scammer.
Spending time to set up your dating profile is one of the most tedious processes that come with online dating. Nonetheless, if you’re wondering why you are not getting any matches, then maybe you’ll want to look into adding some photos of you holding your dog in your profile’s gallery.
Humour can also get you far online, after all, people seek out others who can make them laugh. Taking into consideration how scarce honesty is online, letting your character shine through your profile is bound to bring in more success for you as well. Take your time to fill in as many blanks in your profile as you are comfortable with and you are bound to see an increase in your matches.
Let’s be honest here, we all think we are the smoothest lady magnet that exists online. However, as many women can tell you, what you think is a smooth compliment often comes across as creepy. As mentioned previously, women receive a lot of attention online and that includes every compliment in the book, so in order to stand out, you have to work a bit harder.
As a rule of thumb, always go through their dating profile before you send out your first message. Keep your eyes peeled for something interesting you could ask her about; Does she have pets? What kind of music does she like? Is she a fan of Marvel movies? Approaching anyone while keeping in mind their interests, but also the interests you both have in common is the best way to make them notice your messages.
Always remember, and we can’t stress this enough, just because an opening line worked on one woman, it doesn’t mean it will work on the rest of them. In this case, quality is worth more than quantity. Instead of copy-pasting the same message into the DMs of every girl that catches your eye, it’s best to slow down, review the information available to you and then approach them accordingly based on said information.
Assuming that one gender has it easier than the other is simply a case of ‘the grass grows greener on the other side’. Both sides have issues, albeit contrasting in nature, at the end of the day, they both want the same thing when it comes to online dating.
So, instead of looking up “why is online dating so hard”, maybe you’ll have a better shot spending more time trying out different things and seeing what sticks. When it comes to online dating, you should come up with your own conclusions and there’s no better way to do that than dipping your toes in the deep water.
Don’t let rejection get you down, put some more effort into your messages, and be patient and understanding with the women you chat with. Sometimes that’s all it takes to establish that initial connection with someone you want to get to know better online.
So, before you infinitely decide that men have a harder time dating online than women, consider the difficulties both genders face. You might just find your own way to make this cyber dating online system a success for you!